This poem is not about a panda dog rather than a now, a dog. I have decided to face the unfortunate truth. that a panda dog is indeed a tainted Cjow-chow. Jordie destroyed my dreams. >_<. my hopes diminished as i reached for the light shining from heaven. Grabbing an untangible item isn't so easy as it seems. But never mind that, here's the Poem ABOUT A DOG
I gallop like a dog
Like a bunny bursting from the blue
Whether it’s a short run or of it’s long
I’d like nothing more than nothing to do
It’s true
Don’t you
A Happy-go-lucky creature that’s cute and soft
Ready to comfort those who are down and take them aloft
With confidence and solved problems that they’ll break through
It’s true
How ‘bout you
With nothing on my back to bring me down
A dog will take every step of the way
Until there’s nowhere else to walk
Then hopefully, i'll be in japan wearing mismatched socks.
If true
The opportunity’s overdue
I’m Random like a dog
Spontaneously jumping into the air bring my friends with me
Hopping in one area
Spinning in the next
Influencing those around me to throw their troubles away.
It’s true.
But we’ll do it anyway
I am a dog and there’s nothing you can do about it.
What? There is? Not the fly. Oh.
I recommend you to correct the spelling mistake in the third line of your poem to, "Whether it's a short run or if it's long."
ReplyDelete"I'd like nothing more than nothing to do." This line has a double negative, which is clearly a no-no. "I'd like nothing more to do," sounds a bit more appropriate.
Pretty neat to have 'It's true' somewhat rhyme with the next line.
"A happy-go-lucky creature that's cute and soft." I know that dogs are cute and soft, but how do those adjectives describe you best?
"Then hopefully, I'll be in Japan wearing mismatched socks. If true, the opportunity's overdue." This sounds as if you're daydreaming? Or ummm...how'd it get from 'nowhere else to walk' to 'wearing mismatched socks in Japan?'
Yes, you are random like a dog. I agree with that. "Spontaneously jumping..." How about the word, leaping, instead?
I didn't quite catch on to the last line of your poem. Mind explaining it to me? My first impression was that there were two people in dialogue there.
Your poem was quite the challenge for peer critiquing, but with corrections, I'm sure you'll do fine.
oh boy. it is pretty complicated
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